Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
