my sisters under your porch take her home
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize