he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
