I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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