my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
