He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
