So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize