If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
