Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
