idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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