My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
