i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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