a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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