what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
