fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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