I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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