i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
