Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
