A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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