He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
