she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
