How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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