Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
