i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
