I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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