I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
