i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
