you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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