You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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