I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I look better un-naked...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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