Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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