marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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