yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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