i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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