i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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