when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
