my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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