me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
