Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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