I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
