he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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