I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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