i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize