I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
