I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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