I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
did i walk over a car last night?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
