It's like God shit irony all over that family
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
