he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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