i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
