After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
