it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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