Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
