Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
