turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
