fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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