The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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