You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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