So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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