I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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