eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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