No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
