fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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