im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my shit smells like andre
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize