i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
