So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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