Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
