I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
