He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
