Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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