I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
