the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
