I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
