I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
