I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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