The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
