i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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