Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
