I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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