I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
