You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you had me at cake vodka
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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