You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
