If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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