I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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