He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
