ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
