very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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