thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
