Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
