hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
