you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
