so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
