That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
