The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize