Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
