my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
