hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
