its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
