she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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