Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
