we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
