We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You are a genius and a whore.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
