Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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