I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
